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One Bad Peach

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When a rain comes down like this, there is plenty of time to consider your situation.  The soft pattering on the roof.  The gentle thumping on the windows.  The sun’s glow fading to a gray tone.  It all comes together like a blanket to cover up your happiness and induce drowsiness.  You know.  To hide from your problems like all the times before.  The chicken broiling in the oven.  Will you burn it again?  The payroll accounts at work.  Did you screw them up again?  And last but not least, the body on your sofa.  Will it control you?

Okay.

Not a real body.

Not a cadaver for God’s sake.

You’re not a serial killer.

Am I right?

As long as I’ve known you...

Ha.  Ha.

Well the point is you have to do something about that body lying there.

I know.

I know.

Just let her lie there like the worthless slob she is.  She will wake up when she feels like it.  She will start making her demands and you will comply.  If you do burn dinner she will pat your head like the dog you are and then fix something else.  You will nod and smile to her.  After dinner she will take you by the hand.  You will follow her into the bedroom and then you will do the deed.  There is no real life in it since she gets much more pleasure from the neighbor while you’re at work.  Now this might not be a problem for you if you were ignorant but you are not.  You know she prefers him to you.  But he cannot pay the bills and keep her in such comfort and comfort to her is the most important thing in life.  You lost the ability to keep her pleased and “comfortable” in the bedroom years ago but your paycheck keeps the cable on and her precious little dinners in her stomach.  New shoes on her feet.  A different pair every single week.  Her vanity sickens you but you won’t reveal your disgust for her.  Your secretary is much more appealing.

You should have an affair.

Hell.

I’ve told you time and time again to do it.  Back when you were in high school, you dated the prom queen and then when she tried to tie you down you dropped her like a bad habit.  You had balls then.  And I am seriously getting tired of your cowardice.  I mean I have a life to live, too and this is absolutely no fun.  I want to see the secretary naked every bit as much as you do.  I want to ride with you in that 1965 Mustang you have had your eye on down the street for the past three weeks.  He had a potential buyer looking at it today.  He probably sold it.

Thanks a lot.

Oh?

You’re getting testy with me now?

Don’t worry.

I am very used to your antics you hide from the rest of the world.  But why not let them see what you can really do?  Hell you almost did last week when that punk cut you off at the grocery store.  Remember how you marched over to him with your fist clenched?  I could see you splitting his lip like you did to that boy in high school in HIS back yard after he called you out.

Yeah, man.

Back then you got things done.

Ah.

There she is.

Waking up.  She’s moving.  She’s mumbling something.  That little bit of drool at the right corner of her mouth that you hate shines in the feint light from her precious three hundred dollar lamp she made you spring for.  That money should have gone to the Mustang.  We should be cruising down the road in that thing at eighty miles an hour with all the horse power pushing us into the future with that sweet secretary hovering in your lap.  Now that’s what you like.  You are so turned on by the idea.  So just do it, man.

Do it for me.

Hell.

Do it for you.

After all I am closer to you than anybody.  Let’s get out of this slump.

She’s talking to you.

What’s she saying?

Who cares?

Drown it out, man.  Just drown her out.  She will just give more demands and reduce you down to the role of a child.  She always claimed she never wanted kids but she found a child in you- her husband.  You are her son now.  And not a strong son either.  Just a little boy who follows mommy’s orders, man.  Am I getting to you yet?

Ah.

The chicken is burnt.

Who gives a damn?

Throw it out and let’s go get some Chinese and cruise for chicks and leave this old hag here to wallow in her own misery, man.  You can do it.  You will actually smile for once.  It’s real simple, man.  Just do it.

Oh.

Great.

Now you’re following her.  Let go of that damn hand.  That evil hand.  Think about where that hand was earlier today while you were…

Hey.

Wait.

Don’t.

Okay.

We will talk again.

 

#

 

Thank God for the coffee.  I know you hear me now.  Sorry for last night.

Sorry that you won’t listen to me for once.

Jesus, man.  It’s like pulling off a Band-Aid.  Like when you fell off your skateboard when you were twelve.  The pain.  I felt it too.  But YOU applied the hydrogen peroxide yourself and placed the Band-Aid on and after a week, off it came.  That whole week had been a burden but ah what a sweet release it was when it came off!  It stung at first the way it does and took some of your leg hair with it, but then you felt a release inside.  This is the same thing, man!  In fact-

Oh.

Here she comes.

Oh yeah.

Now your blood is flowing.

Oh.

Check it out.

She’s wearing that cream colored outfit.  The one that shows off those tan thighs.  You can see them just beyond your desk.  Wouldn’t you love to-

What do you mean?

Telling ME to shut up?

Man, you should stop denying yourself.  She looks into your eyes when she talks.  She has asked you to join her for lunch twice.  There won’t be a third rejection without her walking away.  Come on.  Just mention lunch to her and see what she says.  Show some balls!

What’s that?

Am I really hearing this?

That’s right, man!

Do it!

Hell yeah!

This is going to be awesome!

See how her eyes light up?  Those big brown beauties scream “Yes!  I want you!”  Man, this is going to be so damn-

Oh.

Sorry, man.

She never wore that ring before.

What a liar.

Listen.

Don’t make a big deal out of it.  It’s okay.  What about that waitress at the coffee shop?  You know, the Latina.  She wants you, too.  I guarantee it, man.  She leans practically into your lap when she pours your coffee, man.  And hell.  Who else does she give refills to?  Seriously, man.  Let’s hit that coffee shop up again at lunch.  Nah.  It will be too busy.  How about after work?

What?

Who cares what she thinks?

The neighbor, man.

Remember?

That bastard can keep her company.  To hell with what she thinks.  It is time for you to please you!  I know I’m making sense.  What do you say?

What?

Vows?

Oh yeah.

She’s clinging to them with everything she has.  Come on.  This is no longer a marriage my man.  And you know it.  Let’s go see the Latina chick.

Her name?

I don’t know, man.

I might know it if I didn’t have to spend all my time hassling you to get back to living.  Besides, isn’t that memory’s job?  Once again you’re shoveling his shit on me.  And don’t you dare turn that conscience prick on.

Did you hear me?

Hey!

Stop!

Come on, man!

Listen to reason!

For God’s sake!

 

#

 

What?

The waitress?

What waitress?

Why should I talk to you now?  You shut me down every time I try to get you to live.  Keep yourself on life support with your conscience and that leech you call your wife.

Just leave me be…

Haha.

I’m just kidding with you, you old rascal!

Yes.

The little waitress is looking pretty terrific today!  Man, look at that skirt.  It hugs her figure so well.  Don’t you just want to-

Okay.

You’re right.

Here she comes.

It’s go time.

Tell her she looks hermoso today.  That’s Spanish for “beautiful.”  You already know that.  When did you take up Spanish?  Still lodged in your head from a long time ago?  Did you really retain a single word of it from high school?  You slept through every class and copied notes from-

Okay.

She’s here.

Tell her, man.

Break this icy wall standing between you two.  Did you remove your ring?

Ah.

You did.

Great thinking you devil!

There you go.

See?

Look at that smile.

Now don’t get crazy.

Just slide the invitation in.  There you go.  Ah.  Look at those eyes.  Dark and mysterious like the sea.  There you go.  She’s turned on.

Oh!

The number!

Yes!

Si, senor!

You’re in!

You’re in!

Man, look at that shake when she walks away.

Damn.

This must feel like high school all over again!  You still got it!  People talk about your hair loss and your gut, but hell.  What do they know?  This little senorita wants you.  And she will have you!

Now do not worry.

I’ll walk you through every step.

 

#

 

You are amazing, sir.

You finally told her what was up.

You are the man!

She spent all night in bed by herself, man.  You confronted her and she broke down.  The neighbor gives her attention that you haven’t been giving her and then your response.

“Attention?  What kind of attention?  From my wallet?  In the bedroom?  Fixing your dinner?  Where exactly have I been neglecting you, you poor dear?”

Ha, ha, ha.

Words of wisdom for her!

And now here we go.

Work is done.

You’re off to see her.

Her name is Victoria and this is clearly a victory.

Man.

I have not had this much fun in years!  I can’t wait to see what you do with her.  She is in prime shape for your attention.

Here’s the driveway.

Wow.

For a waitress in a coffee shop she sure does have a nice spread.  Well don’t sit out here in your Mustang.  Although it is the bomb!  I guarantee this definitely helped.  You had to pry her out of the seat when you took for that ride last week.  Major points there!

Wow.

Place looks great.

Ah.

I can smell the enchiladas.

Damn.

That dress is asking you to rip it off.  It should be hanging on the door knob in the next few minutes.  To hell with dinner, man!  Let’s do this!

Yes!

Lean on in!

How do her lips feel?

I know!

Soft as cushions.

Caress her cheek.

There you go.

You are Don Juan, man.

Move on down.

Do it, man.

Ease the zipper down.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not hearing any protests.  She wants you, senor!

Go for it!

Yes!

Slip it on down just like-

Oh.

What the…hell…

 

#

 

Don’t do it, man.

It was not my fault.

How could I see that coming?

How could ANYBODY see that coming?

Look, man.

It’s okay.

I’m not the one who makes you kill people.

That’s the bad apple in the barrel.

I’m just the fun guy.

Remember?

I’m the peach!

I’m just-

Oh, man.

Don’t take that pill.

Please, man!

No!

I will keep you having fun where you won’t kill again!  That other voice is not me.

Don’t take that pill!

Stop!

Stop!

I…

Beg…

You…

 

The End

 

Writing crime fiction is my passion.  Human nature is fascinating more outside the law than within it.  Because of this I love to write about those who step outside of man's laws every chance I get.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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