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A Dinner in Olde New York

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Arlington and Buffy Cwizweld will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary this year on  April 1, 2055.

This is their story.

****

Arly and Buffy had a more than passing interest in the New Technology and Artificial Intelligence. Now their highly successful and diversified investments have made it possible for the discovery of a special process.  The couple had sought and financed their quest for this specific concept for years.

It was always meant to be theirs and theirs alone.

The Name: Process Perpetual.

Arly and Buffy, as planned, now enjoy this miracle process. It's existence known only to them and their unconventional researcher. He was discovered and mentored especially for this undertaking.

*****

The ultra secret invention starts by mutating every human cell and organ to optimum perpetual motion. The organs and cells continued to their perfect point and stabilize.  The human body then runs more efficiently. No special diet, no special exercise and no special maintenance are required after the initial application.

It freezes the biological clock. Immunity from all disease now exist as well.

Process Perpetual’s counterpart in fantasy and science fiction: Youth Serum.

*****

This Process Perpetual tested to be effective and safe as Arly and Buffy were both about to celebrate their 39th birthday(s).

*****

One POP, thats all it takes, Michael-Angelo DeVertri said to the happy couple. He was the brilliant, but eccentric MIT Engineering drop out and proud inventor of Process Perpetual.

The cost associated with the invention was staggering. Research alone cost in the hundreds of millions of dollars. Now, the production cost for one application of Process Perpetual ran 10 to 15 million dollars.

It was a time consuming and expensive process.

Only two applications currently existed.

But Mikey Boy, as Arly and Buffy called him, was more than just some brainack quack.  This genius decided to become a recluse since leaving MIT in the middle of his first semester. The couple recruited him and promised unlimited research funding and complete isolation.

Mikey Boy proffered that within the next five years, he could produce the Process Perpetual in a form that would only cost $200.00 a pop - Retail.

Arly’s business mind was naturally multi-leveled. It maintained a unique strategic dimensional ability. He considered the distribution of process perpetual and considered how it would change the balance of the world.

Arly decided mankind was not ready for this process.

And mankind never would be ready.

But he and Buffy were more than ready. It was financed by them and made exclusively for them. Anyway, Arly’s altruistic motivation was always non existent. He was just going through the motions of denial and negating any philanthropic based opposition in his mind. This savvy businessman knew the outcome was predictable. There would only be two applications produced.

The application was finally administered on their wedding anniversary in 2020. They were both 39 years old.

Arly and Buffy needed no more money. They had amassed a substantial fortune.  Money was irrelevant to an increase in their quality of life. They only needed indefinite long life, excellent health and each other to survive comfortably.

But their plan did not end there.

*****

Arly personally terminated Mikey Boy’s existence. It was like Mikey Boy never was. He was put to rest. A simple .22 caliber shot behind his right ear as he slept. No blood. No mess.

All records, digital and paper, of the formula were then destroyed.

Mikey Boy apparently had no family. He would only be missed by his employers, Arly, and Buffy. He worked at their isolated ranch compound in Montana for years. He existed without a digital or paper footprint.

Their protégé actually looked something like the Unabomber. He was isolated, but was living in Montana luxury under the so-called protection of his friends, Arly and Buffy.

Arly had slyly been encouraging Mikey Boy’s paranoia about governmental surveillance. Arly made sure Mikey Boy was definitely off the grid. It benefited all three of them.

The only human link to the process was now dead.

*****

Arly was always focused on the future, but he still held a fascination for the past. He collected rare artifacts from days gone by. Buffy also shared his interest and appreciation in their collection of extremely rare Americana artifacts. They especially liked those involving the New Technology from the last third of the 20th century.

Arly and Buffy sometimes used ancient i phones to communicate. That ancient technology had been regelated by the government to be put out of monitoring by the state surveillance radar.

Collecting and operating artifacts from ancient communication devices and modes was entertaining for the couple. In 2006, Arly sent Buffy one of the last Western Union telegrams. It remains a special part of their collection.

Anyway………

Mikey boy’s ashes went into a concrete-type block cast. Arly used the same method of cement patented by Joseph Aspdin in 1824 to fill the cast. It was to become the base of a new hand made log cabin exclusively being constructed by Arly on their vast Montana estate.

The cabin was being hand built by using tools, materials, and techniques from the 19th century. It’s just another one of Arly’s projects inspired by his fascination with the past.

****

Arly and Buffy enjoy what the good life has to offer in 2055. They remain, to their friends' amazement, young and vital. It’s as if they never reach 40 years of age.

Their friends grow old and die, but ABC (Arly and Buffy Cwizweld) as they are known by everyone, just Keep on Keppin’ on.” They are always establishing new relationships and embarking on new adventures.

Its a perpetual cycle, all our friends will start out to be younger than we are, they will grow older than we are, and they will die before we do.” Buffy sometimes thinks.I love how we can do this and always, we will never miss out on anything!

*****

The surprise 50th Anniversary dinner Arly has arranged for Buffy is a throwback to the past. As a famous 1960’s Top 40 AM Disc Jockey, Murray The “K” always said: It will be - A Blast From the Past, followed by some “Swee-azeein-Swee-azay!”

You can guess what that is.

Arly has gone above and beyond anything he has ever done. It is a recreation of a 2005 night they spent out in Olde New York City.

He obsessively insures perfection of every single detail for this special night. No expense is spared and no detail overlooked.

These are the main elements or the evening:

Everything will be as it was in 2005. All of 2055 will be missing from their evening. The AI food processors, AI helpers, AI entertainment, AI transportation and whatever AI else, will be disengaged. Items and atmosphere will be modified to appear it is 2005 again. This is all being done without the use of 2055 produced holograms or virtual reality suites. Everything will be for real.

Arly ambles into his office and feels a nostalgic wave of satisfaction. He settles into his hand made exquisite leather chair. It is an antique chair salvaged from an on line auction.  It is from a New Jersey warehouse storing the remains of an early 21st century Wall Street firm.  Personal Computers, Xerox copying machines and other items were purchased for the ABC collection of antique high tech gear by one of their AIs.

Sure,” Arly thought, “Robots make perfect agronomic chairs nowadays. But just the idea that some human craftsman hand stitched this chair, it just makes me feel special.” There are only two chairs like this existing in 2055. Arly has one and Buffy has the other in her office on the Montana ranch.

Like the uniqueness of their chairs, there are only two people in the world like Arly and Buffy.

Their mantra: “It’s all about US!”

Arly has been avoiding all Buffy’s inquiries about their anniversary night. She’s like a kid on Christmas eve wondering what Santa will leave under the tree on Christmas morning.

Arly laughs when Buffy peppers him with questions about their special night over the old apple i phone FaceTime App. She is flying in from Montana on one of their private fleet of Strata Jets. ETA - 25 minutes to NYC, including the tube from La Guardia.

The big night is next Wednesday.

They just love going Retro.

*****

It’s 2055 and the NYPD’s newest unit, CCNDU, the NYPD (Acronym for: Cold Case to the Nth Degree Unit) is almost operational. The sub-unit of the Detective Bureau’s TARU (Technical Assistance Response Unit,) it is the brainchild of Lieutenant Frances (Frankie) Neptune.

The new technology Frankie III (as her family calls her) has convinced the Chief of Detectives to invest in is highly unusual. It granulates the infinitesimal details of a persons life from womb to tomb. It is done in a way that no technology ever has be able to produce to date.

That’s the way cold cases are solved. Relentless attention to the smallest detail.

*****

Frankie III recalls a high tech NYPD experimental program from ten years ago. The big shots plan to use detective AIs didn’t quite work out. The AI detectives were partnered up with human detectives. Unfortunately, the AIs adapted to the ways of “The Squad” rather than visa versa.

One of the AIs even started to wear a pinky ring, started smoking one of those Guiena sticker cigars and wanted to be called “Slick,” joked a veteran NYPD TARU detective familiar with the program. “It even stared using ‘des, dems and doses’” he added, “claiming it was manufactured in Brooklyn!”

Cops are a breed of their own,” The eminent Police Psychologist Dr. Martin Freudowitz lamented. His highly anticipated AI/Detective partner program experiment had failed merisably. It was “shit canned” by the Police Commissioner.

The AI detectives were retired to Florida on a disability pension. They’re happily spending their time at the Disney World retreat for AIs.

That was the last time the Big Bosses invested in AIs. But this time - it would be different. Frankie III now knew the deal. She was researching a new technological breakthrough: The Granulator. She received permission from The bosses to do a test period of adjustment.

Frankie III was looking for an extremely difficult, icy and dusty cold case. She wanted to show how this new device can enhance the investigative process. It is designed to accentuate the human detective, not overshadow their natural talents and abilities.

*****

Frankie III was a TechNerd. Her namesake, the original Frankie Neptune, was a NYPD Lieutenant back before the turn of the century. Family tales say Frankie I resisted the new technology of that time. The tales also consist of the fact that Frankie I was a dinosaur (old time cop.)

Anecdotal tales of Frankie I ‘s twentieth century policing techniques are now considered humorous, archaic and quite brutal.

http://www.frankieneptune.com/pc-cops-1989.html

Frankie III always heard her elders who were also, On The Job, remembering Frankie I’s traditional pronouncements. The one that made Frankie III cringe the most was:

“I don’t take this cop shit so seriously!”

Frankie III was the complete opposite. Police work consumed her entire being. But at the same time, she was fascinated by the historical aspects of Frankie I’s time in the NYPD.

*****

In search of the ultimate cold case(s) to be downloaded into The Granulator, one case was selected as a test by the Bosses.

The Milo MacKougle murder and abduction case from 2033.

Detective Vizor Kahn was assigned to the new CCNDU. He had an idea that would really test The Granulator. A cold case with no case history. “Let’s see what this Granulator can really do from scratch like what real detective does.” Viz said.

It seems Viz’s father was a top engineer with the multi national high tech firm, Vancorodio. Viz recalls his father telling him about the eccentric roommate he had during his first semester at MIT.

“The guy just dropped out of sight after the first semester. All my dad remembers is his name: Michael-Angelo DeVertri - He also says he was from the midwest.” Viz added. “Why not try to see what happen to him? He just dropped off the grid.” Vizor finally said as he pitched the idea to Lieutenant Neptune, “My dad still has some of this guys artifacts the Granulator can work off of.”

Frankie III was always up for a challenge. The Granulator dug down into the acquaintances and others who knew or interacted in any way with the victim. This included examination of all artifacts relating to the case and any extraction of information they held.

But the logistics of application were still being refined as were the legal issues.

The NYPD Legal Bureau had not yet cleared the use of The Granulator. Frankie was awaiting the manufacturers delivery and final testing of the applicator part of the Granulator.                   There was no definite delivery date given as of yet.

One thing has not changed since Frankie I. The NYPD moves at its own pace.

But Frankie III was anxious.

Frankie III decided to adapt what technology she had from the manufacturer to one of her own modalities. TechNerd that she is.

“How do I experiment without having to drag the Legal Bureau into this?” Frankie thought while transporting home after a day tour.

Then it came to her. She would adapt The Granulator to her antique pair Google Glasses.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Google_Glass

Frankie was going to wear the glasses to“The Manhattan TechNerd Society” meeting next Tuesday. It is RetroTech Night. It would be so cool. All of the TechNerds love RetroTech.

There she would dig deep into the minds and microscopic granular leftover newly discovered EXO-DNA of her cohorts, if any existed. This, after downloading the information gathered by Viz’s off duty and unofficial initial investigation of his dad’s missing friend and accompanying artifacts.

It would be like a fishing expedition. Testing for False/Positives using the relatively young TechNerds as unknowing experimental subjects.

If the subject person was ever within one foot of a scanned person, The Granulator would know. In addition, if the subject engaged in any conversation or momentous activity with the scanned person, The Granulator would retrieve it.

Conversational and other memories were stored by the two amygdalae in the medial temporal lobes of the brain. All this, done with the simplicity of the newly invented miracle EXO-microchip. It is still unknown as to the extent of visualization possible.

“Who the heck in that room of 100 TechNerds would ever have had anything to do with this Michael-Angelo DeVertri?” Frankie III thought. “The guys’ been missing for years and no one has ever reported it!” she laughed.

“But he was a fellow TechNerd,” She thought.

Frankie III also thought to herself: “This is just what Frankie I would do.” It’s something like the Conceptual Performance Art her namesake was famous for in the Neptune family.

Frankie III then caught herself off guard thinking, ”Maybe I do take this cop shit a bit too seriously?”

That mind fart didn’t worry her, yet.

*****

“The Manhattan TechNerd Society” had a wide array of members. From engineers to bankers, to amateur scientists, to any TechNerd off the street. They were all welcome.

But there were two members who always were the center of attention: Arlington and Buffy Cwizweld. After all, they are the founders and financial supporters of the Society. Everyone knew the couple especially enjoyed RetroTech.

The TechNerds were milling around with their X-Boxes, Pac Mans, Apple Watches and all the high tech gear from the bottom end of the 21st century and below. Frankie III decided to try the Granulator enhanced Google Glasses. She recited the code to herself in her mind. The Glasses were now engaged as The Granulator was up to speed immediately.

She was suddenly grabbed by the arm. To her surprise it was Arly and Buffy Cwizweld. They saw her Google Glasses and were obviously intrigued.  Arly made the introductions.

It seems Google had made it a point in 2019 to repurchase every pair of Google Glasses for a fantastic amount over the purchase price. The giant company wanted the glasses out of circulation. No reason was ever given. But some glasses survived the recall. They became the object of every collector.

None of the glasses had reached the RetroTech market, or even the Black market for at least the last five years. The coveted Google glasses value exponentially rose every year, as did their demand.

Frankie III had one pair in her collection. Arly and Buffy wanted them. They usually got what they wanted. Money was no object. But these Google Glasses were ever so rare and in such high demand. If none were for sale, either legally or illegally, what can one do to actually own a pair?

Before being able to give herself the password to stop The Granulator, it did its job. The unintentional download from Arly and Buffy was completed instantly. Tagged to the info on Michael-Angelo DeVertri.

Pleasantries aside, Arly wanted to negotiate a price right then and there. Frankie III didn’t want to part with her Google glasses. She sternly stated the glasses were not for sale at any price.

The Granulator was up and running at that very moment.  She kindly refused to let Arly try the glasses on. “Please, they’re quite fragile and not insured,” Frankie III said. “I understand,” but Arly did not hide his disappointment. He thought, “I want those fuckin’ glasses, and I’ll get them!”

Arly was upset he was not the only person who knew these Google glasses were the only pair existing in the tri-state area. Everyone at the meeting knew and would be spreading the word.

*****

Frankie III got home at about 1100 PM. She received an update from Lieutenant Bobby Bevoni of The NYPD Legal Bureau on her way in the door. The Legal Bureau AI System had just cleared the use of The Granulator by the NYPD as of 600PM that evening. It was going to be in the Patrol Guide and Detectives Guide within minutes. The Police Commissioner has signed off on the order.

Now all the NYPD had to do was await the Granulator’s manufacturer to ship the applicator. But Frankie III didn’t care. She thought about telling the Chief tomorrow about the Google Glasses, if they worked. But knew she’d probably get “ripped a new asshole,” as Frankie I would have said. So using another one of Frankie I’s expressions, she’d “Just dummy up,” for now.

She was bushed, and still was not to worried about that Frankie I second mind fart of the night.

*****

Viz banged in (took a vacation day without the usual notice.) Frankie III prepared to see what The Granulator and her Google Glasses came up with. It was a simple procedure. But the NYPD’s system was not quite as sophisticated as those used in the private sector. It could take all of three minutes to complete.

To her amazement, The Granulator extracted numbers of references from Riz’s father’s artifacts to Arlington and Buffy Cwizweld. “This must be a false positive,” Frankie III thought. But a reboot and recheck produced the exact results.

Frankie III had that Neptune feeling. She decided to carefully examine the Granulator data. It necessitated an investigation. The Chief was informed. The Police Commissioner was informed. The investigation was complete. The order was given.

*****

The warrants were prepared. The arrest was to be made that evening, Wednesday April 1st 2055.  It just happened to be the evening of Arly and Buffy’s 50th wedding anniversary. It would put a massive virus into their wickedly expensive and unique 2005 night out.

Bail was denied and they spent that night at the Manhattan Correctional Complex AKA The Tombs. Thanks to years of progressive liberalism and social justice, there is finally equal justice. “Money don’t mean shit no’mo,” The Affirmative Action appointed judge told the couple. Her Supplemental Monitoring AI counterpart, AI Factoid Moralistic Continuum Constancy confirmed her decision.

The couple were sent to Rikers Island during their trial.  Some things in dynamic New York City never change.

The Granulator had proved to be a success even with the use of Google Glasses as an antique applicator. Frankie III was hailed as a Policing Innovator.

*****

It was a sensational story. A story of love, greed, arrogance  power, immorality and murder. Arlington and Buffy Cwizweld were demonized for not only the senseless manipulation and murder of Michael-Angelo DeVertri, but for their destruction of Perpetual Process as well.

The ageless couple are throughly despised by every segment of society. They make the historically hated Bernie Madoff look like Mahatma Gandhi on nuerobonicsteroids.

Arlington and Buffy are easily found guilty by both the human jury and The AI Factoid Moralistic Continuum Constancy. The couple were sentenced to life in two separate PBMF/ND’s (Penal Behavioral Modification Facilities of the Nth Degree.) Those institutions are Maximum Security/No Parole. There the inmates work to correct the man made damages of Climate Change. They are also delegated to the Caucasian Detention and Reeducation Section for constant programming to maintain their guilt for being benefactors of White Privilege.

The legal debate now centered on the discovery of the fact their existence in human form has an unlimited shelf life. Their current law team argued that the life sentences are “cruel and unusual punishment.”  They will live forever in jail forever. Eternally 39 years of age and never growing older.

But their current law team has resigned.

Why? Upon their conviction, the state had instituted and lawfully completed the forfeiture of all the Arlington and Buffy Cwizweld fortune. They have been assigned an overworked Jewish Legal Aid attorney. He has nothing but disdain for them, Irvin Muttleman, Esq. being a left wing social warrior. (Yes, they still exist!)

*****

Frankie III and Viz watch the ageless couple led away after sentencing. “Holy Shit, Life in prison is forever for those two!” Viz says in a hushed tone.

“Fuck’em if they can’t take a joke!” Frankie III suddenly and unconsciously barks.

Viz’s face is suffused with shock. He just stares at her with his wide mouth open with no words emanating.

Frankie III is dumbfounded. “Fuck’em if they can’t take a joke?” She repeats to herself. Then  realizing, that’s her Uncle Frankie Neptune I she has been channeling these past few days.

Not known for using any foul language, she murmurs in exasperation, “Oh, Fuck ME!”

For a more diverse selection of short stories visit:

www.frankieneptune.com

 

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